I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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