it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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