It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
