I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
