anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
