I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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