thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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