Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
