Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
