you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
