Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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