Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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