i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
