This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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