i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
