im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
