the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
