There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
