you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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