girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
