i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
