last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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