You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
