The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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