remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
