i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
