Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize