I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
