I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
