If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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