drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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