im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
