OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
