I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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