So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
