she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
