You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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