we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
