my sisters under your porch take her home
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize