anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
NoShamevember. You game?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
