I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
