i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
