I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
