You just made me feel so damn special
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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