i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
