I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
