I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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