Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
