Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
