omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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