I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
