She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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