There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
