Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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