she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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