Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
