He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
