he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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