The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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