Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
