I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
