in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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