Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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