K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My ass is underappreciated
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
