I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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