Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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