Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize