I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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