the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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