Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
